no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
i think my cat just said my name.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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