I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Let's paint friendship bongs
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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