I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Randomize
