i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
