Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
