you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
