ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
