I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
please don't ironically join a cult
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