You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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