i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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