Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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