New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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