this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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