is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
