Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
