They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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