So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Randomize
