I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
