Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
