what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
