I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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