Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
