Will you blow on my dice?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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