I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I would ride that face into the sunset
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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