If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
