Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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