don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
