I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
