Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
