My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
