you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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