All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
