yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
