i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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