Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just want to make out with him forever
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
