well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize