dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
