im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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