last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
