If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize