They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
