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Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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