I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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