how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
