I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Shame - the story of my life.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
