Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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