I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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