totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
