I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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