I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
