last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
