I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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