We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
