Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I don't think brook has ever known best
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
