the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
