So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
