Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize