He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
North Korea, Best Korea!
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
