She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
