I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
