He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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