hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
