sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
