I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
