Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize