Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
