when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
