you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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