so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
