I look better un-naked...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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