its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize