That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
send nudes
from the living room?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
