I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
